There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
