Betty ford says i'm here all night
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
