He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize
