At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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