The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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