do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
