he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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