Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
