eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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