if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
