Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I believe in your delicious
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
