I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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