He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
