I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
