@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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