im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
