i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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