don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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