I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Vodka?
Forever.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
