my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
