So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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