I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
