Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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