i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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