Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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