haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
