Me. At least after what I've been through.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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