Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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