can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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