The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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