blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
