I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
