I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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