That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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