We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
