I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
