oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
