At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
