She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
