Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
