im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
