I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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