Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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