Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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