took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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