Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
