just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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