Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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