Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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