i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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