If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
