do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
ok first of all what the fuck
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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