When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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