woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
