why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
